


Azeroth Nine-Nine

by ScouterFight



Category: Warcraft - All Media Types, World of Warcraft
Genre: F/F, Inspired by Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Nothing serious, Season 4 Episode 8, This is just crack really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24260656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScouterFight/pseuds/ScouterFight
Summary: Inspired by a scene from the popular series Brooklyn Nine-Nine:Warchief Sylvanas Windrunner is frustrated and it is not because she and her wife are disagreeing over a math problem.
Relationships: Jaina Proudmoore/Sylvanas Windrunner
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	Azeroth Nine-Nine

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> AN: The Sylvanas Loyalists Discord is at fault for this one.
> 
> Thanks **_E.Gallego_** for the inspiration, this one is for you.
> 
> By the way, I’ve never watched more than a few scenes from Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy reading.

“Summerspear, Blightcaller,” Sylvanas called out as she and Jaina left their personal offices and entered one of the many halls of Lordaeron Keep. Her Champion and her Ranger Captain, looked up from their discussion to face their two leaders.

When she was sure that she had their undivided attention the Banshee Queen continued. “Settle a little tiff, that Jaina and I are having-”

“Let’s be honest Sylvanas, it’s not a tiff, it’s a row.”

“And now it’s a scene.”

“It’s ok, my lady,” Areiel interjected, even as Nathanos shot her a look for that, “we don’t want to get involved in your personal life.”

Sylvanas scoffed. “It’s not personal, it’s a math problem.”

"Oh, Mama," Areiel muttered as she closed her eyes.

Even Nathanos grunted. “Pass.”

“Sylvanas and I had dinner together last night. For the first time in two weeks, thanks to the Naga sightings.”

“And Jaina thought it would be fun to spoil our date with an inane math problem, to which her answer is wrong.”

Nathanos groaned. “Enough foreplay,” all three women raised an eyebrow at his choice of word, “let’s get to the numbers.”

“It’s the _Monty-Hall-Problem_. Imagine there are three doors, behind one of which is a mountain of gold-” Sylvanas explained before Jaina cut her off.

“You’re telling it wrong. There are three doors, behind one of which is a mountain of gold.

Areiel furrowed her brows at that, they both had just said the same thing- 

Jaina continued. “You pick a door. The guardian of the treasure, who obviously knows where the gold is, opens a different door, showing you there’s nothing behind it. Now the guardian asks if you’d like to choose the other unopened door. Should you do it?”

“No,” Sylvanas answered briskly.

To which Jaina retorted, “Yes.”

Areiel and Nathanos just barely suppressed a groan as both women chorused. “It's simple math!”

Before either of the two rangers could get a word in Sylvanas continued. “It doesn’t make any sense to switch. It’s a 50/50 chance either way.”

To which Jaina corrected. “It’s 2/3 if you switch, 1/3 if you don’t. The probability locks in  
when you make the choice. We've been over this eight times.”

“Seven times.” Sylvanas corrected. And when Jaina shot the Warchief a look the elf just rolled her eyes. “Now you can’t even do simple addition.”

And Nathanos answered in a voice so timid, that Areiel had to double-check if it had really come from the usual grouchy Champion, “Proudmoore is right.” 

Areiel also wasn’t sure if she heard a slight hint of disdain in his timid tone, as if it also pained the Champion to admit that the Lady Proudmoore was right, where their Dark Lady was wrong.

Jaina hummed with satisfaction, but Sylvanas didn’t seem to be amused in the slightest, and Areiel suppressed a smirk. Now the Captain understood why Nathanos had sounded so timid. So similar to the young human who had first joined the Rangers, all those years ago, against the protests of nearly all involved except for Sylvanas herself.

Sylvanas pointed at her Champion. “It seems that I have to find a new Champion.”

“What?”

“Ah.” Areiel grinned at the shock in his voice.

* * *

A few days later…

“Good evening, Dark Lady.” Nathanos greeted Sylvanas as she entered the quarters of the Dark Rangers.

But the Warchief just shook her head. “No, it’s not. I haven’t been able to concentrate, because I’ve been going over that stupid problem. Now I finally understand Jaina’s side.”

Areiel looked up from her reports to spare the Queen and her Champion a look. “Cool, so it’s all better, and I never have to hear about math again?”

Her comment earned her quite a few strange looks from the few other Rangers who were present at the moment.

“Quite the opposite. I know better than ever how incorrect she is.”

* * *

Flashback to the evening before…

_“Probability doesn’t kick in. Do I have to teach you Advanced Academy level statistics?” Sylvanas asked._

_Jaina had already begun to respond before Sylvanas had even finished her sentence. “I don’t know, do I have to teach you Academy level statistics?”_

_"Do I have to teach you eight-grade statistics?"_

_"Do I have to teach you seventh-grade statistics?"_

_“Do I have to teach you...”_

* * *

Back to the present…

“Now, if you'll excuse me, rangers, I need to leave her a magical letter about first-grade statistics," Sylvanas said sarcastically as she stepped away. Both of the Rangers’ shot her confused looks as she walked away, unsure about what she was talking about.

“Okay,” Nathanos whispered as he stepped closer to the Ranger Captain. “We have got to explain this thing to lady Sylvanas to save their relationship.”

“Really? You are in this because you want to save their relationship and not because you hope to get into Sylvanas’s good grades?”

“Shut up, Ranger!” Nathanos growled.

“Fine, fine. What were you saying?” 

"We got to explain to Sylvanas the math problem so that they finally stop fighting, and we can all go back to work. The Naga are still at large, after all."

“You are aware that this is so not about the math problem?” Areiel raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

"Nathanos, I know you haven't had a relationship in… I think ever. But even you got to have to see what this is really about. They haven't really seen each other because of both the Naga Problem and the renewed tension between the Horde and the Alliance."

“What is your point, ranger?”

“They just need to bone,” Areiel said simply.

At that, his mouth hung wide open, and it took him a few seconds to get his shock back under control. And then he glared at her. “What?! What are you even talking about Summerspear? You can’t talk about the Dark Lady like that! Show some respect.”

Areiel rolled her eyes, annoyed at his, almost prudish, behavior. 

"Believe me, boy, just because you and your human sensibilities can't, doesn’t mean that I can’t.”

“What do you mean by that?!”

She snickered at his confused and annoyed look. “Nothing.” The elven ranger shook her head. “But the Dark Lady definitely has to get laid, and at the moment she seems to favor the human, and I don’t care about who she does the deed with, as long as she calms down a little.”

At his disgusted look, she smirked slightly. Trying to see how far she could push him with this. “And it isn’t as if Jaina isn’t just as bad, I know you likely haven’t noticed anything strange about Lady Proudmoore because you follow our Warchief around like a lost puppy, but they are both so tense that I sometimes fear that they are going to combust on the spot.”

He shook his head at that and walked away. “Never mind! I’m showing her the solution to the math problem, and then you see that you are wrong!”

“Whatever, Blightcaller. Now if you excuse me, I really should go back to my post.”

* * *

The next day…

Areiel watched as the Dark Lady stepped up to Nathanos and looked down at him, as he appeared to be searching for something on the ground. 

“Is everything okay, Blightcaller?”

“No, I lost my ring.”

“Did you see where it went?”

“Actually…”

Areiel suppressed a groan as she saw Nathanos pull out a small-scale model of the _Monty-Hall-Problem._

“It's behind one of these three doors. Why don't you pick one?” He gestured to the model.

“Are you trying to Monty Hall me?" Sylvanas's voice took on a dangerous edge, and Areiel leaned against the Champion's desk, to watch the spectacle happen.

“It's unbelievable.” The Banshee Queen shook her head. “I don't need Monty Hall my days when Monty Hall has already my evenings and nights.”

Areiel decided to finally intervene, one week of this nonsense and she was sick of it. Time to put a stop to it. “Come on, my Lady, the math thing isn't the problem. All those things that have been popping up, are keeping you and the Lady Jaina apart. You two just need to bone.”

Two things happened then. Sylvanas moved her narrowed eyes away from her Champion's face and to Areiel’s who met her glare with a bored look of her own, and Nathanos winced sharply, already seeing the Warchief’s next words coming.

“What did you say?” The Banshee Queen whispered.

“Don’t say it again.” Nathanos whimpered, in the same tone of voice she had heard him admit that Jaina had been right about the math problem a few days ago.

But Areiel refused to be intimidated, she had known Sylvanas since she had been a small child, she knew her tells, she wasn’t really enraged, not yet. She could still push her former Ranger-General. “I said you two need to bone.”

“How... dare you, Ranger. I. Am. Your. Warchief!”

And with that, the Warchief stormed away, but Areiel knew that this was not the end of it.

* * *

5 Minutes Later…

And the Ranger-Captain had proven been right, when five minutes later Sylvanas once again emerged from her private office within the Dark Ranger barracks, to shout into the room.

“BONE!!!”

The rest of the Rangers were just glad that they were both mostly immune to each other’s Banshee Screams, and that the Warchief had enough self-control not to use anything near full strength. 

* * *

10 Minutes Later…

“What happens in my bedroom, Ranger-Captain is none of your business.”

Alina, still from her place leaning against Nathanos’s desk, let the rant wash over her, while the other Rangers, who were crowded around the room looked at the spectacle with confused and wide eyes. 

* * *

21 Minutes Later…

“BONE!!!” Another shout came from the doorway, leading into Sylvanas's office. 

Nathanos by now had collapsed onto his chair was just rocking anxiously back and forth.

Areiel still hadn’t moved. She just watched her Mistress’s breakdown happen with barely concealed boredom.

* * *

40 Minutes Later…

“Don't ever speak to me like that again," Sylvanas said at last.

And with that, the Warchief's rant was finally over and she stormed away, the other Rangers quickly scurried away. While Areiel just passively watched them, she had worked with three of the four Windrunner Ranger-Generals, and was by now far too used to their antics. One Drama Queen after the other.

Nathanos looked up at her from where he had placed his head in his arms for the last twenty minutes.

“Why did you do that?” He asked her.

“She was pent up. Now she knows. Problem solved." Areiel said simply before she picked up whatever she had come in the quarters for, before walking away.

* * *

The next day… 

Nathanos and Areiel both looked up from the report they were going over when they heard the Warchief walk by them.

The Champion rose slightly from his chair. “Oh, Dark Lady, I know you don't want to talk about Monty Hall, but I did contact a math-"

Sylvanas answered as she walked by them without pausing “No need, Blightcaller. It's all good.”

“So, the fight with Proudmoore is over?”

“Yep.” 

Did Areiel’s trained ears deceive her, or did the Warchief appear almost peppy?

Areiel began to smirk.

“Because you understand the math now?”

Areiel laughed softly when the Warchief didn’t even glance back once. 

“Nope.”

“Because you guys…” Areiel asked, the smirk obvious in her voice.

“Yep”

Areiel grinned victoriously at her Queen’s back. “Knew it.”

The Ranger-Captain stepped away from Nathanos’s table.

“See, what happened is, the Dark Lady had sex with Lady Proudmoore.”

“Okay, Summerspear!” Nathanos growled.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Just a small little piece inspired by the recognizable scenes from season 4 episode 8 of Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
> 
> Nothing more to say about this one really.
> 
> Anyway, I hope that you liked this little piece.
> 
> So, maybe leave a constructive comment down below. Leave a kudos or maybe bookmark the story, that would really make my day.
> 
> Thank you very much, this is ScouterFight and I’m out.


End file.
